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The guy with the FUNKY fashion taste and also with a FLAIR for graphic designing. I'm Amirul Nasir, or you can call me Rool, for short. 21 years standing in the feet of the Earth. Singaporean. Currently serving the nation till 02/06/12. I'm a Ngee Ann Polytechnic Mass Communication (Class of 2010) graduate. Creative Director, someday? More about me?


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    Love the blog layout? Want something like that? Or even better? Yes, I do design for blogs too at an affordable rate! For more details, feel free to drop a message to my email, amirul.nasir [at] gmail [dot] com!

    Apart from blogs, I do design for events, editorial designs, interactive designs. I am a designer afterall.. right? Or even photo editing! Let me know what you need and I'll try my best to get it done for you.

    Monday, February 28, 2011
    The current mood of popnutoz at www.imood.com

    Picture this scenario. You walk in to a store. You hear the song playing in the background. It does sound kinda familiar. And quite catchy at that. Then you start telling yourself, "Shit. I have got to know the title of this song." So you take down the lyrics for the chorus and made a note to yourself to make sure you google the title of the song. And when you're at home, you just can't find the title of the song. It frustrates you.. so much. Then you forget about it.. and the next time you walk in to a store, the entire scenario begins to repeat itself.

    Well, I had that experience and it bugged me a lot. But I've sorta managed to find out the title of the song 'cos one of my colleagues was randomly playing it earlier today and I immediately asked, "Shit! What's the title of that song?!" And I finally got my answer.

    Amazing - Inna
    It has an amazing tune, if you ask me.

    This song does live up to its name, literally. It is an amazing song and I've been in love with this song since god knows when. I guess you could call it as love at first hearing. So many things that I love about Amazing. The tune, for one, is the kind that sorta gets stuck in your head after a while and it keeps on replaying over and over again in your head. Close your eyes and let the music drown you. I'm enjoying this song so much!

    Perfect song for the summer!
    (don't you think so?!)

    Labels:



    The current mood of popnutoz at www.imood.com

    Don't mind me for being narcissistic in this post. I just am. In fact, I always am a narcissistic person. Hah!

    I've had people compliment me for my graphic and web designing skills after looking at the magic I've created by using Photoshop and Dreamweaver.

    I've had people compliment me for my great taste in music. Don't laugh but I try not to tell people whom I've just met that I'm a huge Spice Girls Fan. I'm just afraid that it would give them a heart attack (cos hello, I know reality. not everyone is a fan of spice girls like how they're a fan of Lady Gaga). So I'd just remain humble and tell them.. yeah I listen mostly to mainstream music.

    Then there are people who compliment me for my great fashion sense. Is it really that great? I think I dress normally.. and all you people are dressing weirdly. And somehow being enlisted in National Service, looking at everyone's terrible terrible fashion sense, I'm just afraid it'd get to me somehow. I just wished they'd have posted me as a Military Fashion Policeman instead. Just think of all the people I can charge just for their terrible sense of dressing?

    But what most people compliment me the most would be my...

    SMILE.

    I smile a lot. In fact, that particular trait of mine is what gets me in trouble most of the time. I have a million and one different types of smile. There's a smile that I use when I'm nervous. And a smile when something is wrong.. but I try to act like nothing's wrong by smiling kind of smile. Then there's the sarcastic smile, combined with my piercing eyes can actually be quite a deadly combination.

    And of course, a special smile that is specially reserved for my special someone. The smile that no one else have seen 'cept for that someone. The cheeky kind of smile. The playful yet full of love kind of smile.

    Though people compliment me the most about my smile, the compliment that I look forward to hearing the most would be that unique smile reserved specially for that someone. Get it? Go figure.

    On compliments that I wished I'd have received from people.. 

    Sometimes I really wished for people to compliment me for being myself. Everyone out there is trying their best to fit in just by being different. But what they don't realise is that when everyone out there is trying to be different, no one is trying to be their own self.

    I could have tried to fit in. But i try not to. Cos sure everyone wants to be as cool as A as much as they try to be. But don't forget, there's only one of you. And if you don't be yourself, no one will.

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    Thursday, February 24, 2011
    The current mood of popnutoz at www.imood.com


    I've always wanted to ask,

    'How do you know exactly when to let go?'

    Letting go has always not been an easy task to do. And sometimes even involving tears and heartache.

    I believe that each and every one of my friends and people are in my life for a reason. For those who are not (or once were), I'm sure there's a perfectly good reason as to why you're not in it.

    I used to cling onto lost friendships. And maybe I still do. I refuse to believe that someone who was once a huge part of your life back then.. can just walk out on you anytime they want. These are the kind of people that I shared great moments with and now that they're gone, I just find it  to be a huge waste of effort.. you know, like constructing an amazing building only to ruin it once it's done.

    Those are the kind of people I need to let go from my life.

    Letting go is hard. It can take me up to months.. or even years to let go of someone. The feeling you get when you look at old photos and then thinking, 'This used to be us. What happened to us?' 

    Then i go and stalk him/her through every media, Facebook, Blog, you name it - I've done it. But why cling on to a failed friendship when that person is not having any problems without you in his/her life? (Or at least it seemed that way according to his/her Facebook, blog etc)

    I wouldn't say I'd have wished I hadn't met some people in my life. I'm pretty sure they were in my life for a reason like it or not. For example, the bullies in primary school made me a stronger person and got me ready for tougher battles in Secondary School.

    "Don't you ever regret?" People always asked me. And I'd always reply them with a "Yes. To a certain extent."

    "So how do you let go?", they asked.

    I write.

    I write to write and to write just so that I can forget what's on my mind. Or at least I'd distract myself by doing something else, like designing something useful, which I haven't been doing for quite a while now.

    And then eventually, slowly but surely, I'd have moved on.. even without realising it. And then comes the A-ha moment where I'll go, "Wow. I've finally moved on from that failed friendship. Took me like what? 3 years? Oh and yeah, I don't feel anything for you anymore."

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    The current mood of popnutoz at www.imood.com

    ADORABLE Spice Babies!
    (Mel B with Angel, Emma with Beau, Victoria with Brooklyn, Romeo and Cruz)

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    Wednesday, February 23, 2011
    The current mood of popnutoz at www.imood.com


    I've been stuck on this prompt for the past few days, just thinking.. and thinking (and also procrastinating) about what to write for this post. I couldn't really exactly pinpoint this to just one person. In fact, the more I thought about this.. the more people started to come in my mind.

    People always say that you can't put a price on friendship because being friends with someone is actually worth much much more than that: The memories that you share with them over the years are just priceless.

    Then I suddenly had this crazy idea.

    What if choosing our own set of friends could be as easy as going for grocery-shopping in a HyperMart?

    I've learnt from my Marketing class back in Polytechnic that there were many factors being taken considered and compared before a customer actually makes his final purchase at the counter.

    Apart from getting influenced by ads and looking at the price, customers look at a product's packaging, it's quantity, it's popularity, it's date of expiry, whether it's any good at all and etc. Blah Blah Blah.

    My point is, yeah sure, I can't put a price on friendships.

    But what if each and every one of our friends comes with a warning label? And also an expiry date?

    At this age, I've learnt that many friends always seem to come and go at certain points of your life. But wouldn't it be better had I known exactly when? At least I'd get a heads-up before he/she gets removed from my life entirely. Then I could start bracing myself for the final goodbye. Random, but I hate how people just leave from our lives without even saying their final goodbye. They just drift apart and slowly but surely, they'll get removed from your life.

    But then again, had friends come with an expiry date, I'd have made careful decisions with who I wanna be friends with. I wouldn't want to choose a friend whose expiry date is within 3 to 4 years though I think this would be the most common set of friends you'll ever get. I'd want to choose someone who'd be my friend for more than 5 years, heck even more than 10 years.

    If only.

    Don't you realise that we make such bad judgements on the set of friends that we hang out with? Dear god, before I make friends with a certain someone, I'd appreciate it if you place a huge-ass warning label on them, that says something like, "Warning! Very bad at making decisions and can be quite impatient." or "Caution: Rich. But he will only break your heart eventually." or "Caution: A lying backstabbing bitch who will try to take advantage of you." just because it'll make my decisions at making friends a much, much easier task to do.

    If only.

    I'd choose friends with a huge-ass warning label that reads, "Potential Bestfriend. Very understanding. Will always be there for you in times of trouble." Oh and Date Of Expiry: Invalid. Simply because he/she'll never leave you alone at the end of the day.

    If only.

    I wouldn't mind someone else with a warning label that also reads, "Fun to hang out with most of the time. Caution: Can be a bad influence." Wouldn't life be so much easier now?!

    Then at least we wouldn't have this problem of drifting apart. We'd know the good and the bad qualities of someone before that someone actually becomes a part of your life.

    Yes, people leave from your life at some point. Many of 'em did, at least for me. And they probably have a good reason for leaving us sometimes as much as we had wanted to let them go or not in the first place. You could probably compare them with expired goods - It was nice having you back then.. but I'm afraid if you come back into my life, there's a small possibility that we might not be like how we used to be back then.

    But you should know that for every time people leave from your life, new friendships that are dying to be made, awaits you. Don't keep fretting over the lost friendships. Treasure the memories that you had, but don't live in those past memories.

    What warning labels would you have wanted to see in someone before you actually befriend him/her?

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    Monday, February 21, 2011
    The current mood of popnutoz at www.imood.com



    Nicole Scherzinger first started making her pathetic attempt at going solo back in 2007 with 'Whatever You Like'.

    Call the song 'Whatever You Like', I thought it was a brilliant song full of swag to start off her solo career. Look where it got her? Nowhere.

    Not giving up then, she released another single, 'Baby Love' enlisting the help of the talented Will.I.Am from Black Eyed Peas. I loved it though everyone else thought it was quite mediocre. Well, at least it got her her first solo Top 20 hit in the UK.

    Afterwhich, her solo project sorta went spiralling down after that. Shame.

    Desperate for success, she decided to have a shot at her solo project once again with an edgier song called 'Poison', which she sometimes pronounces as 'Hoisin'. (Joke) On first listen, it was one of the most annoying song ever played on radio but it sorta grew on me after several listens and I eventually found myself listening to it on repeat mode. I loved it. UK loved it and it got her her FIRST Top 3 Single there. Round of Applause for her please.

    And then came 'Don't Hold Your Breath', not quite an apt title for someone who's looking forward to hearing new music from Nicole, instantly became a favourite of mine upon first listen. And have I mentioned how HOT Nicole Scherzinger really is? Sizzle.

    Simply Breathtaking.

    In summary: It's about a love relationship gone wrong. A very empowering one at that. And it's Nicole's way of saying, "I appreciate the love we have back then, but if you think I'm coming back for you, don't hold your breath." 

    Don't call the video cheap. In fact, I'm glad it had a low budget. The video is exactly how I imagined it to be like. Simplicity is good. Just ask Britney and view her latest music video for 'Hold It Against Me' - Too much things going on at the same time!

    Here's hoping that it becomes another hit for her simply because this girl deserves it.

    Labels:


    Friday, February 18, 2011
    The current mood of popnutoz at www.imood.com


    "Eh bapok dah datang." 

    (English Translation: Eh, the sissy is here.) was what they said whenever I came into the classroom or tried to sit beside them during our lunch break.

    I said nothing.

    Instead, I just laughed along with them and did my own thing.

    They imitated the way I talked, the way I walked, the way I laughed, mainly my behaviour. I hated it so much. But I couldn't do anything or rather, I was too scared to do anything to defend myself. At the end of the day, it was them against me.

    I guess they thought it was cool to call me that. Or maybe it was the right thing to do since everyone else called me names as well.

    "Bapok" and "Sissy" were just one of the few degrading insults they had for me.

    And I actually put up with it.

    To be fair, I've had many pleasant as well as unpleasant memories back in primary school. I try not to think about them 'cos it's scary.. the thought of it. Evil memories.

    I couldn't tell my parents. I mean, they couldn't do much. Okay, I was lying. Mainly because I overheard my dad talking about what a 'kedi' (also meaning 'sissy') I am. And I couldn't tell my teacher just because he/she can't be bothered and I'd imagine him/her telling me to stand up for myself. I only had myself.

    It was quite a traumatising experience indeed, for me. Everywhere I went, people talked. I could never feel comfortable about myself.

    Even when we had this buddy pairing system back when I was in primary one (we'd have buddies from primary 5 specially assigned to us for lunch and everything), my own buddy deserted me 'cos of what this other girl said about me.

    And the girl happened to be my religious teacher's daughter. "You got partnered with Amirul? He's a bapok, you know?" she said to my older buddy and started laughing away. It was embarrassing.

    The only friend that I was close to.. he got transferred to another school and I haven't heard from him ever since. I remember he'd bring food from home and share with me after looking at my pathetic lunch consisting of 2 nuggets, plain rice and soya sauce. He was the only one who didn't bother about what others said about me. I guess you could call him as my first true friend. And when he told me that he's leaving to another school, I cried for days. The only person that made me feel comfortable about myself.. left me to fight this losing battle all on my own.

    Matters worsened as I moved on to the higher ranks of primary education. People talked about me and spread hate. I could clearly remember how this one idiot would tell everyone, "Don't talk to him, he's a sissy."

    Worst of all, he sat in front of me during exams and his mouth would never stop talking bad about me. It was horrible.

    I didn't want to go to school at all. I'd go to bed thinking about what would happen to me the next day. I never felt safe. Sometimes, I'd pretend to be sick or come up with an excuse to skip school just for the day.

    The worst happened as I was in the toilet, relieving myself and he was there shouting, 


    "Stop looking at my dick, you sissy!" 

    when he was clearly adjusting his hair and looking at an opposite direction away from mine.

    Everyone laughed at me. I was so humiliated. Wherever I went, I'd have eyes all over me, judging me from top to bottom. They'd whisper to each other, I know it's about me. But I ignored them as much as I could but there's only so much that I could ignore.

    Once school ended that day, tears started forming in my eyes and I ran all the way home from school without stopping. I didn't know what to do. I was scared. I didn't know what he'd do the next day to me. It was scary.. like as if I was the leading actor starring in a horror film.

    History sorta repeated itself when I was in secondary school and polytechnic. But by then, I managed to handle them so much more professionally. Humiliate me, sure calling me gay, bapok or sissy is funny, but I'll definitely insult and humiliate you until you shed tears from your eyes.

    Revenge is definitely sweet. I've splashed a whole bottle of ice lemon tea to a girl's face, hair, t-shirt just because she couldn't stop slapping my face and calling me bapok whenever she saw me. I know the ants enjoyed it. She pushed me against the wall and we went in a small fight involving some hair pulling and more face slapping.

    And even during PE lessons (my favourite lesson, actually) I'd purposely throw basketballs one after another to people's faces (those who talked shit about me) and making it seem like it's an accident. In your face, bitches.. and I mean literally.

    If only they knew what I went through: A whole decade of getting bullied by other people. I've had enough of it actually. If they can't accept me for who I am, then I wished they'd just keep their mouth shut and their opinions to themselves.

    I'm glad that phase of my life is over now. I've had enough. It took a lot of guts and courage for me to actually write this down. Thinking about it just makes my heart palpitate with terror. It was frightening and I never want to go through what I went through all over again.

    I know there are boys or even girls out there who get bullied probably for the same reasons as I got bullied. And those are the people I'd definitely want to help, if ever given the chance one day.

    Was there anyone who made your life hell?

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    Wednesday, February 16, 2011
    The current mood of popnutoz at www.imood.com

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    The current mood of popnutoz at www.imood.com


    She's finally keeping her long hair! And I've always liked her with long hair.

    Simply Stunning!

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    Monday, February 14, 2011
    The current mood of popnutoz at www.imood.com


    "You need to be a little bit more aggressive, you know?"

    "I can't.. I just can't. It's just not me."

    "Then you're letting them step all over your head. You need to show them who's boss."

    "And how exactly do you want me to achieve that?"

    "Punch them."

    "No way!"

    "Oh come on. Don't tell me you're afraid of them."

    "I'm not afraid of them."

    "Then prove it."

    "I won't."

    "Stop being such a weakling."

    "Well, sorry to disappoint you."

    I can never resort to violence no matter what. It's just not me, no matter how hard I try.

    And I hope I never have to.. at all.

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    Sunday, February 13, 2011
    The current mood of popnutoz at www.imood.com



    Dear Victoria Beckham,

    I hope to meet you someday.
    I hope to sit down and have a cup of coffee... or share a slice of lemon with you.
    I hope I can hug you and tell you just how amazing and beautiful you really are.
    I hope to tell you that you have always and will forever be my favourite member of the Spice Girls.
    I hope I can tell you that you have inspired me so much.
    I hope to tell you someday that sometimes I wished I was a footballer so you'd fall in love with me.
    I hope to tell you that when I saw on the news that you were gonna be Mrs. Beckham, I got quite depressed.

    I hope that one fine day, you'll find out what I've been hoping for all these while.
    And I hope I can find a wife who's just like you. That'd be perfect, for me.

    With Love,
    King Rool
    (Your biggest fan in Singapore.)

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    Saturday, February 12, 2011
    The current mood of popnutoz at www.imood.com


    Poly Lecturer: I like looking at Rool and J. They're always smiling and laughing.

    Classmate: They're just like that. They laugh at almost everything.

    Trying my hardest to remain calm, I looked over to J and she said,

    J: Because we're both laughing monsters.

    And that's when we burst out into fits of unstoppable laughter.

    J was one of the first few friends I made during my first year in my polytechnic education. It's funny thinking 'bout how I met her for the first time. We happened to be in the same lift along with another classmate of mine. And there was this awkward silence until one of us said, "Okay, are the three of us in the same class?" and as silly as the question was, it was quite funny.

    We moved on from being just acquaintance to close friends after that. We'd team up for projects all the time either because everyone else didn't want to group up with us or we just enjoyed each other's company.

    Hanging out in school with her every single day was actually quite fun. She was more than just a laughing buddy to me.

    She was my shopping buddy.
    We'd go out with each other almost every weekend without even making any plans at the start of the week. Meeting up with her can be as random as telling her on MSN, "Sure, meet you in 30 minutes!"

    She was my bitching buddy.
    A bitching buddy is essential in every part of your life. The topics to talk about with her are never-ending and we'd talk about a lot of people.. sometimes even continuing our bitching sessions after school either over a phone call or on MSN.

    She was my train and bus buddy.
    Trust me on this. When a friend offers to take the public transport with you despite the hassle (due to it being completely out of the way), don't let that person go cos he/she's a very good friend.

    We even went to the extent of celebrating her birthday together at ECP, which was nice even though it was only just for a while. We'd meet each other before class starts without fail and even took the same IS classes.

    She supported me as a friend when I needed someone to back me up, especially during one of my projects, hurling all sorts of profanities and major eye-ball rolling to the person whom had wanted to take a ride on my A-grade project. Little did I know at that point of time, she and that certain someone gotten close in the next 2 years.

    Then one day, something happened. She just silenced herself. I tried talking to her, convincing her to come to school. and she eventually told me what's been bothering her all these while. We got even closer after that.

    And then we had a fight.

    I honestly couldn't remember what it was about. It must've probably about a petty issue, or was it not?

    All I remember was that whatever she did to me.. it hurt a lot and made me very very disappointed in her. And you know how it is when I'm pissed or disappointed in a friend.

    I just ignored her from then on. But when I ignore, its not that I don't care. In fact, I do care. I had just wanted to see if she would even make any effort to salvage our friendship. But she didn't. I remember my birthday came and though she was seated at about 8 seats away from me, she sent me her birthday wishes through SMS.

    Maybe I shouldn't have acted the way I acted. She needed me at that point of time but I was just cold towards her. Hurt me once and that's goodbye.

    In year 3, I had wanted to just talk things out with her. I fact, I needed her support for some of my designs. But she didn't give me her support any longer. She had her new friends. And that's when I realised.. I guess our friendship had already ended, there and then.

    And silly me was still standing up for her whenever people talked behind her back even if she wasn't a friend to me anymore.

    But the fact that I don't remember what J did to hurt me.. pretty much shows that I've forgiven her. Sure, I regret at some point about what happened with our friendship. But J, she was the bestest friend I could have never asked for.. even if it had only lasted for a year. I'm glad she was a part of my life.

    "I can forgive but I can't forget" may be an over-used word of expression.. but we'll eventually forget about the issue. "Just give it time".

    Is there anything that you'd like to forgive someone?

    Labels:


    Wednesday, February 09, 2011
    The current mood of popnutoz at www.imood.com

    "People are going to disappoint you, I get that, I kind of expect that but, what happens if one day you wake-up and realize you are the disappointment." - One Tree Hill
    I've come to a point in my life in which everyone around me starts to disappoint me at one point of another. Pessimistic, much?

    It's so typical of me to put the blame on other people whenever shit happens mainly because it's easier to point the gun at everyone else but yourself.

    I felt like I have disappointed so many people in my life - The people whom deserve the better side of me but I just refuse to show it mainly 'cos of my ego and for other selfish reasons just to make me feel better about myself.

    I've stolen things.


    I've caused verbal and physical pain to others.


    I've lied for selfish reasons.

    But I seem to keep forgetting that one person I've disappointed the most in my entire 21 years of existence. It's not any of my loved ones nor is it any of my good friends.

    It's me.

    All these while, I've been fooling no one but myself. I feel like I've cheated myself in so many situations. But I'm only human. Cut me open and I bleed. Everyone makes mistakes at the end of the day.

    Sure I deserve forgiveness at the end of the day and a second chance. But not from any of my friends or loved ones. But from myself.

    So to myself, I forgive you. I forgive you for making all of those mistakes in the past. No, it's not okay for you to make those mistakes in the first place, it was childish of you, but what matters the most are the lessons that you've learnt from them.

    P.s And if I've disappointed you at one point of time or another, "Then it's not my problem any longer 'cos it's now your problem." Words of wisdom from one of my ex-polytechnic lecturers.

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    Monday, February 07, 2011
    The current mood of popnutoz at www.imood.com

    I'm having a tough time updating this blog for now. Because the internet kinda got cut off.

    Hopefully, it will be back soon. And I'll continue my 30 Days Of Truth.

    Sheesh. You don't know how irritating this is. living without internet.

    Labels:


    Saturday, February 05, 2011
    The current mood of popnutoz at www.imood.com


    This question left me speechless. What's there to love about myself? I could think of a million things about myself that I am not satisfied with but when it just comes to the other way 'round... I just can't think of anything much. Nothing pops up into my brain at all.

    Maybe I am that horrible of a person after all. Or maybe not, which is why I asked a friend or two, "So what is it about me that makes me awesome?" just to make myself feel better.
    "You're good at designing!"

    "You're creative!"

    "You're good at writing!"
    It's just so typical of human nature to label a person good at something.. just because they like the end product. I guess it's true that I'm good at designing but that's not exactly something that I love about myself. Or writing. Or being creative. Anyone who writes, can be good at writing. Everyone can be creative.. it's just whether the end product of it all appeals to you or not.

    But I don't want to love a certain trait of myself that is so technical. I don't want to be known as "The design guy." or "The blogger". It's depressing. I want to be known more than just that 'status'. People may love that certain trait about me.. I guess I could agree.. but I don't. Not that much.

    That's when I decided to shelve this blog post and go for a cup of milo and sit down with a small notebook in my hands, i began writing things about myself that I love. Among those that I wrote, some of the prominent ones were..
    "I'm always smiling.. and laughing."

    "I'm a patient person."

    "I'm bitchy."

    "I'm a real diva."

    "I'm a filial son."
    None of it appealed to me. And then I wrote,

    "I'm a bundle of joy and happiness who showers laughter, confidence and motivates the people around me."

    Yeah that's it. That's what makes me.. Amirul. Everyone knows me as the guy who's always smiling and laughing. My laughter is contagious. And it has also gotten me into trouble most of the time.

    I'm a motivation to other people. I build confidence in them to do the things they think they're not capable of.

    Funny how I'm actually the guy who spreads positivity around people but the ironic thing is that I've become such a negative person all of a sudden. I don't know why. I guess I'm a work in progress. We all are.

    I need to be that guy that I was before once again.

    What's the one thing that you love about yourself?

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    Friday, February 04, 2011
    The current mood of popnutoz at www.imood.com

    "You look different today. There's just something different about you that I haven't noticed for a long while."
    "Is it my hair? Or is it my pimples? What is it?"
    "Your tummy, of course. How long have you been pregnant for?!"
    "Bitch."
    All my life, I've been living with a demon inside of me, my tummy to be exact. Because of it, I've became the victim of bullying since my primary education. It sucks. I felt humiliated, insulted at times and started becoming image conscious.

    I hate my tummy. I hate how obvious it is whenever I wear light-tone colours. I hate how I keep thinking that people stare at it when I'm having a conversation with them. I hate how it ruins how my overall look. I hate how it makes me look even fatter in photos. I hate how it bounces in motion whenever I go for physical education lesson. I hate how it is the main reason why I have to join the TAF (Fat in reverse, if you ever noticed.) Club in school. I hate it.

    Back in 2008. Yuck. Tummy. 
    I've had fatter photos. This is one of the nicer ones.

    Because of my tummy, I've never felt confident and am always insecure with how I look. It has always been one of the main reasons that's been holding me back whenever I go out or approach new people. Every single time my friends ask me out to the beach, I think of one million reasons in order for me to excuse myself from making an embarrassment of myself by showing off my tummy in public. I can't live like this. It's terrible.

    People tell me I need to love myself in order to love others. But how am I supposed to love myself when I just hate my tummy?!

    I knew I needed to do something about it. So I did. I've tried ways and means to flatten my tummy. Go on a diet? Done that, didn't work. Starve myself? Did that also. It made it worse cos I became even hungrier and ate even more. Exercise and Gym? I did go to the gym, not religiously, but it worked for a while until I stopped, and there it was saying hello to me in the mirror once again. Whenever I get frustrated with it, I'd lock the door and start squeezing my tummy and pushing it in, hoping that it'll disappear once I let go of it. Of course, even a toddler knows that will never work, right?

    Then I got enlisted into National Service. A blessing in disguise, it was. I started exercising regularly. And all of a sudden, I stopped thinking about my tummy just because I was too tired to think about it. And once the weekdays are over, and I go back home, I noticed a huge difference to my body. I became much slimmer! I was over the moon! From XL to M size. From an outstanding waist size of 36 to just 31. It's incredible.. the drastic change.

    Now. 2010.

    But my tummy is still here despite all that. I still hate it. And instead of continue hating it over the next few years, I've decided to just continue exercising, just so that one day when I finally look in the mirror and while being blinded by my new found muscles and good looks, I'd have become oblivious to my tummy.

    What do you hate most about yourself? I'd like to know!

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    The current mood of popnutoz at www.imood.com

    Funny how time flies super fast, yes? It was exactly ONE year ago on this very fateful day, in which my grandmother breathed her last. I could still remember it like it was just yesterday. 

    I miss her a lot. I do. Last year's Hari Raya felt different without her presence.. for the first time in my entire 21 years of existence. The last time we celebrated the festive and joyous season together was back in 2009.

    If only I could turn back the hands of time, I'd do a lot of things differently. But I can't. And it's her first death anniversary, today. And I'm not there, which makes me feel even more terrible as a person.

    But everyone eventually dies, don't they? It all lies in the hands of god at the end of the day and just a matter of time.

    Instead of crying, I'm gonna say my prayers just for her and hopefully it reaches her. 

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    Thursday, February 03, 2011
    The current mood of popnutoz at www.imood.com


    Inspired by one of my favourite blogs out there, Hope.gr. I have decided to make a commitment to do this '30 Days Of Truth' meme. I've been wanting to do this for a long time.. but have been procrastinating for fear that I'll just give up. I hope I don't give up. I won't give up. One blog post a day for the next 30 days. Come join me if you want! 

    Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
    Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
    Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
    Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
    Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
    Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
    Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
    Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
    Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
    Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
    Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
    Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
    Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
    Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
    Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
    Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
    Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
    Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
    Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
    Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
    Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
    Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
    Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
    Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
    Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
    Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
    Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
    Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
    Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
    Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

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    Wednesday, February 02, 2011
    The current mood of popnutoz at www.imood.com

    *To the girl involved in this blogpost, I don't mean to ambush you. But do keep an open mind though. ;)
    "Hey Amirul, I have something to tell you, a secret that I've been keeping from you all these while."

    "What is it?"

    "That I was an immature teenager who thought you were wooing me so I did little things to make you dislike me. Yes I suck. Forgive me."

    "D: Am I really not that likeable of a person?"

    "You are likeable, with the English and humour and wit and all. Just that I was a blind, superficial teenager. ;)"
    I was left with mixed reactions. "Wait, she thought I was wooing her?" "Why wouldn't she like me in the first place? Am I not boyfriend material?" "But how did this even end up to be a 'D-A-T-E'?".
    I didn't want to embarrass her further. So I left the conversation at that.

    Sure. We went out for a movie or two, dinner and did some sports activities together in the park, the kind of stuff I'd normally do with my other girl friends. We even had cute nicknames for each other. (I'm guessing this was the main problem.)

    What was supposedly supposed to be a heart-to-heart sharing session with a girl (space) friend, who recently at that point of time, got her heart broken by another guy, got confused with the weird term that most of us would call "a date".
    Little trivia about me. If you ever get a chance to know me in real-life, you'd probably know that I have more girl friends as compared to guy friends. People think I'm weird. People say it's because of my slightly feminine behaviour that sort of attracts all these girls to me. And it just so happens that the people I hang out with are mostly... girls, which makes me kinda awesome.
    What actually defines a date? Whenever a guy asks a girl out, does that automatically make it a date? How can you actually tell the difference between a 'DATE' and 'just hanging out'? The lines between the two can be quite blurry most of the times so you might have to take the direct approach and just ask. But most of you probably won't do that, would you?

    Otherwise, you can rely on the subtle hints below most of the time, but they're not 100% accurate though.

    1. Look at what the guy is wearing!
    Trust me on this. Guys who are interested in you would actually take the extra time and effort to 'doll themselves up' simply because they want to look their best infront of you. You won't see him wearing slippers or bermudas but instead a nice set of shirt combined with a nice pair of jeans along with shoes because first impression counts! He'll even shave his facial hair just for your sake when they don't bother doing so usually.

    2. When the guy insists on paying everything for you.
    Call it old-fashioned or whatsoever. But girls love it when guys pick up the tab for dinner. When a guy insists on picking up the tab for dinner, he wants it to be a date. And if you allow him to do so, you're actually giving him the confirmation signal that it IS a date. But if you insist on paying for your share, then you're just making him uncomfortable and letting him know indirectly that you don't want this to be a date. Too bad guys.

    3. Look out for his deadly piercing gaze.
    Girls love attention, don't they? And they love it even more when guys divert their whole attention towards them. Just make sure he's gazing into your eyes and not somewhere else... below.

    4. When you give cute nicknames to each other.
    As childish as this may sound, if he likes you enough to be his date, he'll probably give you a nickname, shared between the two of you. It's cute.. but sometimes misleading.

    Come to think of it, when both of you have suspicions that it is a date, then it is a date. Before getting all emotionally involved in the 'date', at least be sure that it is a date or you'd end up embarrassing yourself at the end of the day.

    Just know that it is never wrong for a guy and a girl to just hang out to somewhere, as long as either parties are not expecting something to come out of it.

    As for my situation, it wasn't a date, at least I didn't think it was. I'm sorry if I misled the poor girl into thinking that it was a date... I'll just have no choice but to make myself clear whenever I'm 'hanging out' with another girl for fear she might mistake it to be a 'date'.

    How would you differentiate between a 'date' and 'just hanging out'?

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