Because creating a playlist for someone can be quite taxing. You can't just put all of your favorite songs into a list and hope that the person you're giving it to will love it. You've got to make sure that every song will flow seamlessly with the next track. You've got to make sure that you limit it to 15 - 20 songs max. (There's a reason why every album only has that amount of songs! And it's definitely not because of the lack of space!)
I've created playlists for friends, family… but mostly for myself. And I've always envisioned myself creating a playlist for someone special in my life.
So hello to my future partner out there, this playlist is for you. I don't know when or how I'll be meeting you but I hope when that day happens, you'll eventually find this playlist of mine and I hope you enjoy it. (I sound a bit psychotic, er I know.)
1. My Life Would Suck Without You - Kelly Clarkson
2. I Want You To Want Me - Brooke Elliott
3. Fallin' For You - Colbie Caillat
4. Please Don't Let Me Go - Olly Murs
5. If You're Not The One - Daniel Beddingfield
6. Do You Remember - Aaron Carter
7. A Thousand Miles - Vanessa Carlton
8. All About You - McFly
9. Invisible - Clay Aiken
10. Crush - David Archuleta
11. Terrified - Katharine Mcphee
12. What Took You So Long - Emma Bunton
13. 2 Become 1 - Spice Girls
14. Mi Chico Latino - Geri Halliwell
15. All I See - Kylie Minogue
16. Forever And A Day - Kelly Rowland
Labels: 30 Days Of Truth, Future Partner, Music, Playlist
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Don't you think it's a bit too early for me to be asked THIS question?
I'm only turning 21-years-old this year and there's still so many things I've yet to do and accomplish. Though I am still serving the nation during this time, I've only just begun to explore what's in store for me.
Though for the past 20 years of my life, I just wished I was a much more confident as a person just so that people won't find me to be a pushover. I wished I was much more focused on my talents when I was younger. I wished I had the courage to speak up in class. I wished I didn't bother too much about what other people thought of me.
And I guess that's it.
Who knows, maybe I'll revisit this question in another 30 years time. (Or sooner, if the list is way too long.)
And maybe then, I'd have plenty of things to write about.
Labels: 30 Days Of Truth
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Quoting Melanie C's latest single, 'Think About It', "You only regret the things that you don't do. Do what you want to!". And that's exactly what I've been trying to do. I've done quite a number of stupid things in the past. I wish I could go back in time and stop myself from doing those stupid mistakes, but then again it is those 'mistakes' that defines me for who I am right now.
I came here to talk about the naughty things that I've done in Primary school and how I've gotten away with it most of the time. Some of it involves.. Skipping classes, Leaving home early without anyone knowing, Stealing from the book fair every single time (and each time I did, I promised myself that I'd return the money or the book in the future.. one way or another), Jeopardizing a science project that belonged to this guy that I disliked, Vandalising the school walls with a black spray can and there's probably more where that came from but I do not wish to incriminate myself so I'll just keep hush about it. Hah!
But there's something else.
Something that I'm rather shy to talk about;
My First Kiss.
After the first (I was blushing), I looked up and said, "You know..You're my first kiss."But was it that perfect? How is having someone slobbing all over your mouth with so much saliva and a lot of lip biting considered perfect or even a great kiss? Not that great, if you asked me.
The reply I got was, "It was perfect."
I've always dreamt of how my first kiss would be like and how romantic it'd be. Maybe we would be sitting under the moon, doing nothing but staring into each other's eyes. We'd be talking but we'd be kissing each other.. without even touching each other. Cheesy, much? I'm such a girl when it comes to these kinda things but I just wanted it to be perfect. (Perfectionist, much?) I blame it on all of the romance movies that I've watched and the romance-themed novels that I've been reading. I blame you.
I wish I hadn't given my first kiss up that easily. Here's why: You never ever forget your first kiss ever. And you never forget the person whom you did it with. Where it happened. How it happened. The events leading to the first kiss. Omg. It's too much.
At that point of time when it happened, it definitely felt perfect and how everything was falling in to place. So yeah, you fall in love and you can't help it after going on numerous dates with that someone, you decided it's time.
Thinking about it now and as ridiculous as it may sound, I felt like my mouth was sexually violated. I hated my first kiss. I definitely wasn't ready yet. In fact, I felt like it was quite forced. I wish it hadn't happened too soon.
I'm not saying that you should not have your first kiss happening too soon. But sometimes, when your body tells you that you are ready for it, just know that it's lying. It's a mistake.. waiting to happen. In this kind of situations, your heart knows better than your body.
But at least I'm glad that the people whom I've kissed have all complimented me on being a great kisser.
Don't believe me? Let's kiss then. Heh.
Labels: 30 Days Of Truth, Embarrassing moments, First Kiss, Love, Melanie C, Think About It
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
I never had that many (or in fact any) Best Friends in my life. Or even if I did, most of them walked out on me, which leaves me wondering as to why I even regarded them as a best friend in the first place. Random thought: Do best friends walk out on each other?
Best friends may argue and fight with each other all the time. But don't they always kiss and make up with each other at the end of the day? This is probably accurate up to 90%, according to me. Ha!
At present, the only best friend I have is Kristel. We'd tell about everything to each other and we could just spend the time sitting down and talking for hours. You know you are best friends with a girl when you know the size of her bra without even asking. Haha! And no, I swear I did not rummage through her closet in her bedroom.
I first knew her while we were both working at Haagen Daz. At that time, I had just transferred out from the outlet at Raffles (they shut it down, those idiots.) and was a "newbie" at the Tampines outlet. She was one hell of a bossy bitch! And a sarcastic one, to add to it. Haha! She'd assume I'm terrible at doing things and would talk about me behind my back. I did the same too.. though not behind her back because I'm a daring one until I realised she understood Malay and that was funny.
But funny how everything turns out, doesn't it?
And now we're best friends.
We can read each other's minds and complete each other's sentences.
We both share similar tastes in everything! She watches the same TV shows, listens to mostly the same music as I do and loves Glee with a burning passion like I do.
We're not afraid to scold or scream at each other whenever one of us does something wrong. We don't argue.. we just umm debate whenever we have a clash of opinions.
We're both bitches. I mean, really. If there ever was a female version of myself, it'd be Kristel. We're not afraid to voice out our opinions whenever the situation requires it.
Even though we are both separated by distance at the moment, I still call her up regularly just to check if she's okay and to fill each other with the latest news about ourselves.
But if she was ever involved in a car accident and both of us had gotten into a fight before...
Hell. I'd probably do the most logical thing that every other best friend would do:
Steal my favourite things from her room that I've been eyeing on whenever I go to her house!
Of course I was just joking.
Who cares about what we had fought about? Our friendship is far too precious to let my pride and ego stand in the way. I'd definitely rush to the hospital as fast as I can just to see if she's okay because if she wasn't okay, I wouldn't forgive myself for having a fight with her before that.
And if she is indeed okay, I'd tell her...
"I hate to say this but I told you so! Females make the worst drivers ever! Heh heh heh!"
(I can so imagine the look on her face after saying that. Hahaha!)
P.s I love my best friend. You go Glen Coco!
Labels: 30 Days Of Truth
Tuesday, July 05, 2011
"Do you want to go to heaven tonight?"
(A text message that my friend received on his iPhone.)
I actually felt guilty for accidentally reading his text message.
He had received that text.. plenty of times. And I ignored it every single time until I decided to poke my nose into the matter, being the busybody that I am. I was extremely curious as to find out what his friend meant when he sent him that message.
So I asked.
"Who's this crazy guy, asking you if you'd wanted to go to heaven tonight?" I asked.. before finally realising that I actually sounded like one of those crazy, possessive boyfriends that my girlfriends had so I added,
"Please tell me you're not committing suicide, right?" as a joke.
But I wasn't exactly joking at that point of time.
He laughed and replied, "Oh.. that. It's really nothing" like as if it was not that big of a deal in the first place and tried to change the topic of our conversation but of course I didn't let him.
"Well, aren't you gonna reply him?"
At this point of time, I really knew I shouldn't approach the matter any longer. But I did. And I kinda got on his nerves. You could tell.. from the tone in his voice.
"I will.. once you stop interrogating me."
Then he added, "I can't believe how naive and ignorant you really are. He simply wanted to know if I had wanted to get high tonight."
"You? Drugs? I can't believe you do drugs." I said to him, while giving him the judging look.
"I don't do drugs. Well, not anymore at least. I've stopped."
I didn't believe his story. And I haven't been talking to that friend ever since. He's quite of a messed up kid and there's nothing much I could have done to help him unless he was willing to help himself.
I'll never take drugs.
Because I've seen how drugs can ruin people's lives.. just like that - How it can shatter a perfect family into pieces. How someone can just shit all over the place because he/she lost all ability to control the muscles in his/her body.
But you've gotta give credit to where it's due. A person taking drugs is an expert at the game of hide-and-seek. He can hide the drugs in places that you'll never have thought of - The inside of a television set or even a pipeline.
I know and understand the rationale as to why some people choose to get high.
But there's always an option to say no.
And if you choose to do it, be prepared to face the consequences and lose everything you have painstakingly built in your life since years ago. (Kinda makes jail-term punishment sound pretty juvenile, doesn't it?)
So I'll never take drugs.
And I hope none of my friends does too because I love them.
Labels: 30 Days Of Truth
Sunday, July 03, 2011
Waited patiently for two hours before it was finally my turn to be taught by my Ustazah*. (A term we used to address our religious teacher).
I used to remember it being a very dreadful routine that I had to endure every single day after school hours. It doesn't matter if you had remedial lessons, CCA or other appointments once school ended. Because in the eyes of my Ustazah, no excuse is ever good enough for skipping any religious lesson.
On certain days, I'd learn how to read the Arabic language, word by word, phrase by phrase. We'd each be given a small book, in which we'd use to write the Arabic alphabets over and over again. (More than 100 times per alphabet so that we'd never forget.)
On other days, I'd be taught on how to pray to our god. If you're good, you'd be given a packet of drink and a chocolate swiss roll. If you're not, you'd be asked to stay back even longer and she'd make sure you learn whatever you're supposed to learn for the day.
And while you're waiting for two hours, you're expected to do nothing but read your Qur'an.. over and over again even if your butt went numb or you felt like urinating. Everyone in the room was silent. Some even fell asleep with their Qur'an covering their face. Nobody dared uttered a word or two. We feared our Ustazah. Or at least I did.
Because in the eyes of my Ustazah, I could have probably been her worst student ever.
I have been called to stay back plenty of times. "I feel that you have come for religious lessons for all the wrong reasons. Instead of studying and gaining knowledge about the religion of Islam, you're here yapping your mouth away. Go sit at the corner there and bring your Qur'an as well and do some self-reflection." was what she'd said to me on one occasion.
For two hours, I just can't sit still. I guess she expected me to keep mum for the entire 2 hours of wait before it was finally my turn to be taught by her.
I eventually stopped going for religious classes. Probably as an act of rebel or maybe I had just gotten lazy. I assume my Ustazah was overjoyed the moment I stopped going for lessons, as there wasn't anyone for her to scold and nag. But I was glad for my two hours of waiting is now over. I was finally free.. like a bird finally released from its cage.
I make my Ustazah sound like a mean person. But she did teach me a lot of things though most of it went in from one ear and out of the other ear. From what I've learnt from my Ustazah, there are certain things that you're encouraged to do.. and some that you're not supposed to do. It's like as if my own religion came with its own set of instruction manual. Whether you choose to follow it or not.. is a whole different story altogether.
Being a Muslim boy, I am expected to...
- Perform my daily ritual solat prayers, 5 times a day.
- Go to the mosque every Friday for prayers. (And if you don't, you're not considered a Muslim no more.)
- Learn the Arab language, because our Holy Qur'an is written in that language.
- Starve myself for 30 days (We call this fasting) before we have our Eid celebration at the end of it.
- Consume only non-alcoholic water and avoid Pork.
- And the list goes on and on. (You can't expect me to write everything here right? I might as well paste the entire Qur'an here if that's the case. Joke.)
Then, we have prayers for almost everything. It's ridiculous by how many prayers we have to memorise in our head. We recite our prayers before we eat or go to sleep, whenever we enter the toilet, when we are stressed, when we have misplaced something, when we step out of the house, even before we have sex (yes, can you believe it?!) and etc.
That's the thing about religion.
It makes us so paranoid about everything that we resort to prayers. Like, when we don't know what else to do, we pray. Does it help?
Praying to god will only benefit you by 10%. The remaining 90%, you ask? It comes from your effort and your motivation to want to do something.
To put it simple, If you're broke, you can keep on praying for money to drop from the sky. (I wish it was that easy, really!) Or you can get your ass out there and get a proper job for yourself that allows you to earn a stable income for yourself, resolving all of your problems.
And that.. is my take on my religion. Thoughts?
Labels: 30 Days Of Truth
Thursday, March 24, 2011
"Why is it okay for two girls to go to the toilet together but weird whenever two guys go to the toilet together?"
"Don't be gay. Go to the toilet yourself." is what they all will answer.
And then they'll start questioning your sexuality. Bullshit.
I used to be so scared of going to the toilet alone because of ghost stories that my friend would talk to me about.
She told me not to look up the ceiling when you're in the toilet because for all you know, "something" is up there. It spooked me.. for a while. And I'd always ask someone to accompany me to the toilet.
But this is not about me and my insecurities about going to the toilet alone. It's about gays and their stereotypes.
Fuck the society for brainwashing all of our mindsets into thinking that way.
In fact, society brought me up in such a way that if you're gay, your life is over. The humiliation and the insults that you'd have to put up with are sometimes too much to handle.
It's almost they created an instruction manual for gays.
1. Gays are not allowed to adopt a baby.
Because since straight couples raise straight babies, gay couples will raise a gay baby.
2. If you're gay, you're going to hell.
Look it up in the religions that we believe in.
3. You can't get married if you're gay.
Until now, only a few states around the world legalize gay marriages.
4. Gays are not allowed to donate blood.
This was the most ridiculous reason I found on the net. What? Because they have a gay blood and by taking their blood, you'll turn gay too?
5. If you're gay, you're not allowed to take up leadership roles in the army.
In fact, they segregate and put you in one corner like as if you have some kind of an incurable disease or something. Because they think gays are not as capable as straight people out there.
And the list goes on and on.
Honestly, I don't see anything wrong with two guys or ladies to fall in love with each other.
Why deny the right to love? Everyone deserves to love and be loved whether they're gay, straight or confused.
Acceptance.
(That's what all gays ever wanted in our society. They've probably been shunned and treated like trash out there.)
Stop being a busybody. It's their life. Who are you to deny them of their rights? If it disturbs you, there's absolutely no need to make a comment or whatsoever. Keep it to yourselves.
Gay marriages should be legalized everywhere because it's a way of showing off to everyone that the love between them is real and for other reasons the same as heterosexual couples.
Denying them the right to marry is like denying them the right to love. Take the first step and accept them into your lives because trust me, they're not leaving anytime soon.
Labels: 30 Days Of Truth
Monday, March 14, 2011
I love to read. A lot.
Heading to the nearest community library after school ended every single day seemed to be a normal routine for me. I'd call it my third home; Used to be one of my favourite hangout spots and I'd drown myself into the world of books. As I move from shelf to shelf from section to section, I'd get tiny butterflies in my stomach excitedly thinking of the next book I'd be reading.
"Will it be a fiction or a non-fiction book this time round?" as I'd always ask myself. But I'd always end up choosing books that were leaning more to the Fantasy genre, most especially when it's about magic or about the other realm.
I don't quite get those 'drama-teen-love-relationships-esque' type of books. I've always thought that books are supposed to take your mind off to somewhere, you know? Like to a place that only you knew about. The kind of books that doesn't remind you what a torture it was like being in school.
But lately, I've been occupying my time by reading books related to relationships and also about life. Ironic, isn't it? I guess these genres got interesting as I grew older.
The most recent book that I've finished reading (a few months ago) would probably be a love novel by James Patterson entitled 'Sundays At Tiffany's', which I've been raving about on my Twitter.
In a nutshell, 'Sundays At Tiffany's' follows the life of lonely little girl Jane, the only daughter of a very busy businesswoman. Lucky for her, she has Michael, her very own imaginary friend that no one else knows about except for her and who tags along with her everywhere she goes. Jane eventually becomes highly dependent on Michael only to be disappointed when Michael tells her that he has to leave on her 10th Birthday. Jane eventually moves on with her life, has a very popular celebrity as her fiancee, a successful theatre play production and almost seemed like she had the perfect life ever until Michael reappeared back into Jane's life, whom Jane unmistakably thought that he was a stalker who knew too much about her life. She was eventually convinced that the stalker was her once imaginary friend and both of them ends up falling in love with each other as soulmates. But she begins to question whether Michael will leave from her life once it's past her birthday.And guess my excitement when I found out that the book was to be adapted into a movie! One of my favourite books.. in a movie! Having just watched the movie, which starred Alyssa Milano (one of my favourite on-screen actresses) as the lead female character and Eric Winter. The movie cut out a lot of exciting parts in the movie so a fan like me kinda made me feel cheated 'cos the movie passed by extremely quickly.
Here's the movie trailer for it! (But seriously now, the book is way way way better.)
Reading the book and watching the movie reminds me of an imaginary friend that I had back when I was younger. Thinking about it right now is just too weird for me to comprehend. Vaguely, all I could remember was that the both of us would play toy figurines with each other.. sometimes going to the playground, where we'd be playing catching and going on the swing with each other.. laughing and just having loads of fun and when I was scared of the dark, he'd tell me not to be afraid as he'd be looking out for me late at night. And even when I got tired of waiting for someone to pick me up from school, he'd bring me back home safely. He was always there for me, no matter what ad that's all I needed to know.
And then he just disappeared from my life, like as if he never existed at all. Until now, I just don't know what happened. I got angry at some point and sometimes just sad. I just didn't see him anymore. I couldn't be dependent on him anymore. But as I think about all of it right now..
Was he even real? Or was I just crazy?
If one day he were to ever reappear in my life, I wouldn't know how to react. Mixed feelings, I guess. But I'll definitely have a lot of unanswered questions that I'd like to ask though.
But I guess I will just leave it at that for now. Thinking more and more about it just makes my head spin. And if i delve more into it, I think you guys might think I'm crazy, which I'm not by the way.
Did you have an imaginary friend back when you were younger?
(I'd love to talk about it with you!)
Labels: 30 Days Of Truth, Imaginary Friend, Sundays At Tiffany's
Tuesday, March 08, 2011
I got called superficial the other day, as I was professing my love for my own shoes.
Here's what I said exactly, "Back in Singapore, I had 7 different shoes to choose from when going out every single day. Now that I'm here, I only have one option to choose from every single day; My Black Boots."
How is that being superficial?
I love shoes. That's that. But wearing the same shoe every single day can get a little boring, don't you think so?
I like options. And I don't like to be stuck on one option and could probably be the reason why I'm still single right now. Committing to one is quite a hard thing to do, so unless you're ready to face the same person every single day, every single hour for the rest of your lives. The thought of it is enough to scare me.
If I ever have a partner of my own, I'd have to spend my money on her, buy her stuff and make her happy. I'm not exactly ready for that. Why make others happy when I can make myself happy? I'm selfish like that. Can a girlfriend make me happy right now? I'm not sure. But can buying shoes make me happy? Most definitely yes.
What I'm trying to say is, Sure, a girlfriend could fill up that empty void in my heart right now but could I live without her? Most definitely yes (at the moment, that is.)
I'm just not ready... yet.
Labels: 30 Days Of Truth
Sunday, March 06, 2011
You guessed it: My Macbook.
I could remember it like it was just yesterday: The Day I lost my MacBook. It was quite late at night and I had just completed a project meeting in school and was rushing to catch the last train back home.
You see, had I missed the last train home, I'd end up paying $26 (or probably more considering the fact that I stay in the East) for a taxi ride home. The taxi fare was quite ridiculous! So expensive! And being a broke teenager, I'd try my best to avoid taking a cab home.
I hug my macbook everywhere I go, mainly because I couldn't fit it into my small bag, which by the way, was full of my notes and books.
When I got on the train, I just knocked out instantly, like as if someone took a brick and knocked me unconscious and there I was, oblivious to the surroundings.
As always, I'd miss my train stop. And I'd be panicking, rushing out of the train at Pasir Ris only to realise that I have to take the same train to head back to Tampines.
But this time it was different. I panicked and ran out of the train and took a seat at one of the seats available on the platform. I was still in a fuzzy state and it took me a few minutes later before I actually realised that I was missing something in my hand.
I LEFT MY FREAKING MACBOOK ON THE TRAIN!!!
That was it. My life was over. There goes my completed assignments that I spent the entire evening on. My designs for my various assignments were in it! I knew my group mates were gonna kill me the next day and might not probably buy my story when I told them that I left my macbook on the train. Because had this happened to my other friend and if he or she told me about it, I'd just tell him/her to stop bullshitting.
My mind was hysterical. It was close to 11pm. "God, why did you do this to me?", I asked. I couldn't breathe. So I went to the control station and reported my missing macbook.
"Boy, you need to calm down." said one of the makciks, who was working for SMRT.
Then she pulled out a familiar looking laptop sleeve and she said, "I believe this is yours. But I need you to confirm that this is yours. Tell me what is inside the laptop case?"
"My notes. Some of my designs that I've just printed out."
True enough, she finally believed it was mine.
"I owe you my life." I said to her.
And what she did next, I was just shocked.
"Before you leave, you must fill up this customer feedback form and write a good review about me."
Ridiculous but yes, I did it. I'll do anything just to get my macbook back. And from then on, I got myself a bigger bag so that I could stuff my macbook inside it and saved me the hassle of hugging it everywhere I go and risking losing it again.
Labels: 30 Days Of Truth
Friday, March 04, 2011
Thursday, March 03, 2011
Dear Michelle Branch,
I've been a huge fan of your music back when I was 13-years-old and there I was, tuning in to my favourite local radio station late at night and that's when 'Everywhere' would come on and start playing at every single hour.
Because of you, I was quite motivated to pick up some guitar lessons. Funny how I could remember that you were on TRL (I'd rush back home just to watch that on MTV) many years back and there you were teaching the viewers the chords for your song, 'Everywhere'. What an inspiration. Really.
Live Performance of 'Everywhere.'
Because of you, I sacrificed my lunch money for the whole week just so that I could purchase your sophomore album, 'Hotel Paper', which was pretty kick-ass by the way. And that CD was always in my discman, which accompanied me to school every single day. It was worth every single dollar because sure lunch would have gotten me through the day but your music got me through the hardest phases of my life.
You were there for me when I was crying myself to sleep because of some stupid problems in school.
You were there for me when I flunked my maths test.
You were there for me whenever I was lonely and needed someone to accompany me in between lessons.
You were there for me when I was going through all of the teen angst.
You were there for me when I lost a few friends.
Because you get me, Michelle. You really do.
You know how it is.. when you listen to a song and all of a sudden you are transported back to that moment in time when you first heard that song.. or when you had it on repeat because you were going through something hard in life?I had 'All You Wanted' on repeat mode when I was ostracized from my group of friends in school. You see right through me. Because all I ever wanted was somebody who cares.
Live Performance of 'All You Wanted'
I shared 'I'll Always Be Right There' with a best friend of mine, who at that point of time was leaving Singapore for a few weeks to go for an overseas holiday. It's a great song about friendship. Because I wanted him to know that he could depend on me no matter the distance.
Still holds a special memory in my heart.
When I was extremely stressed with school projects and assignments, you just told me to 'Breathe' and everything will be alright. I don't know how you did it, but you did it.
Live Performance of 'Breathe'.
And if you've ever wondered where I got the inspiration for the blog name FUNKY-FLAIR, it's actually from your song called 'Washing Machine' that as ironic as it may sound.. is not a song about Washing Machines but about a crush of yours that you wish to tell your feelings to. But I'd assume that you knew that considering it is your song after all. "Your eyes they look so bright, a Funky-Flair in my appetite..."
I love the lyrics in this song. Brilliant songwriter.
Then you had another grammy-nominated country duo, The Wreckers, who released a country album, which I very much loved too but couldn't buy because it was darn expensive but my lovely sister bought it for me nevertheless.
You got married, had kids and are now working your third studio album. Honestly, I can't wait to hear new material from you (considering that it will be more of a pop-rock record as opposed to a Country record) and how it'd be a part of my life over the next few years just like how your previous albums were. Never stop making music, please.
P.s You make female guitarists extremely sexy.
Labels: 30 Days Of Truth, Michelle Branch, Video
Monday, February 28, 2011
I've had people compliment me for my graphic and web designing skills after looking at the magic I've created by using Photoshop and Dreamweaver.
I've had people compliment me for my great taste in music. Don't laugh but I try not to tell people whom I've just met that I'm a huge Spice Girls Fan. I'm just afraid that it would give them a heart attack (cos hello, I know reality. not everyone is a fan of spice girls like how they're a fan of Lady Gaga). So I'd just remain humble and tell them.. yeah I listen mostly to mainstream music.
Then there are people who compliment me for my great fashion sense. Is it really that great? I think I dress normally.. and all you people are dressing weirdly. And somehow being enlisted in National Service, looking at everyone's terrible terrible fashion sense, I'm just afraid it'd get to me somehow. I just wished they'd have posted me as a Military Fashion Policeman instead. Just think of all the people I can charge just for their terrible sense of dressing?
But what most people compliment me the most would be my...
SMILE.
I smile a lot. In fact, that particular trait of mine is what gets me in trouble most of the time. I have a million and one different types of smile. There's a smile that I use when I'm nervous. And a smile when something is wrong.. but I try to act like nothing's wrong by smiling kind of smile. Then there's the sarcastic smile, combined with my piercing eyes can actually be quite a deadly combination.
And of course, a special smile that is specially reserved for my special someone. The smile that no one else have seen 'cept for that someone. The cheeky kind of smile. The playful yet full of love kind of smile.
Though people compliment me the most about my smile, the compliment that I look forward to hearing the most would be that unique smile reserved specially for that someone. Get it? Go figure.
On compliments that I wished I'd have received from people..
Sometimes I really wished for people to compliment me for being myself. Everyone out there is trying their best to fit in just by being different. But what they don't realise is that when everyone out there is trying to be different, no one is trying to be their own self.
I could have tried to fit in. But i try not to. Cos sure everyone wants to be as cool as A as much as they try to be. But don't forget, there's only one of you. And if you don't be yourself, no one will.
Labels: 30 Days Of Truth
Thursday, February 24, 2011
I've always wanted to ask,
'How do you know exactly when to let go?'
I believe that each and every one of my friends and people are in my life for a reason. For those who are not (or once were), I'm sure there's a perfectly good reason as to why you're not in it.
I used to cling onto lost friendships. And maybe I still do. I refuse to believe that someone who was once a huge part of your life back then.. can just walk out on you anytime they want. These are the kind of people that I shared great moments with and now that they're gone, I just find it to be a huge waste of effort.. you know, like constructing an amazing building only to ruin it once it's done.
Those are the kind of people I need to let go from my life.
Letting go is hard. It can take me up to months.. or even years to let go of someone. The feeling you get when you look at old photos and then thinking, 'This used to be us. What happened to us?'
Then i go and stalk him/her through every media, Facebook, Blog, you name it - I've done it. But why cling on to a failed friendship when that person is not having any problems without you in his/her life? (Or at least it seemed that way according to his/her Facebook, blog etc)
I wouldn't say I'd have wished I hadn't met some people in my life. I'm pretty sure they were in my life for a reason like it or not. For example, the bullies in primary school made me a stronger person and got me ready for tougher battles in Secondary School.
"Don't you ever regret?" People always asked me. And I'd always reply them with a "Yes. To a certain extent."
"So how do you let go?", they asked.
I write.
I write to write and to write just so that I can forget what's on my mind. Or at least I'd distract myself by doing something else, like designing something useful, which I haven't been doing for quite a while now.
And then eventually, slowly but surely, I'd have moved on.. even without realising it. And then comes the A-ha moment where I'll go, "Wow. I've finally moved on from that failed friendship. Took me like what? 3 years? Oh and yeah, I don't feel anything for you anymore."
Labels: 30 Days Of Truth
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
I've been stuck on this prompt for the past few days, just thinking.. and thinking (and also procrastinating) about what to write for this post. I couldn't really exactly pinpoint this to just one person. In fact, the more I thought about this.. the more people started to come in my mind.
People always say that you can't put a price on friendship because being friends with someone is actually worth much much more than that: The memories that you share with them over the years are just priceless.
Then I suddenly had this crazy idea.
What if choosing our own set of friends could be as easy as going for grocery-shopping in a HyperMart?
I've learnt from my Marketing class back in Polytechnic that there were many factors being taken considered and compared before a customer actually makes his final purchase at the counter.
Apart from getting influenced by ads and looking at the price, customers look at a product's packaging, it's quantity, it's popularity, it's date of expiry, whether it's any good at all and etc. Blah Blah Blah.
My point is, yeah sure, I can't put a price on friendships.
But what if each and every one of our friends comes with a warning label? And also an expiry date?
At this age, I've learnt that many friends always seem to come and go at certain points of your life. But wouldn't it be better had I known exactly when? At least I'd get a heads-up before he/she gets removed from my life entirely. Then I could start bracing myself for the final goodbye. Random, but I hate how people just leave from our lives without even saying their final goodbye. They just drift apart and slowly but surely, they'll get removed from your life.
But then again, had friends come with an expiry date, I'd have made careful decisions with who I wanna be friends with. I wouldn't want to choose a friend whose expiry date is within 3 to 4 years though I think this would be the most common set of friends you'll ever get. I'd want to choose someone who'd be my friend for more than 5 years, heck even more than 10 years.
If only.
Don't you realise that we make such bad judgements on the set of friends that we hang out with? Dear god, before I make friends with a certain someone, I'd appreciate it if you place a huge-ass warning label on them, that says something like, "Warning! Very bad at making decisions and can be quite impatient." or "Caution: Rich. But he will only break your heart eventually." or "Caution: A lying backstabbing bitch who will try to take advantage of you." just because it'll make my decisions at making friends a much, much easier task to do.
If only.
I'd choose friends with a huge-ass warning label that reads, "Potential Bestfriend. Very understanding. Will always be there for you in times of trouble." Oh and Date Of Expiry: Invalid. Simply because he/she'll never leave you alone at the end of the day.
If only.
I wouldn't mind someone else with a warning label that also reads, "Fun to hang out with most of the time. Caution: Can be a bad influence." Wouldn't life be so much easier now?!
Then at least we wouldn't have this problem of drifting apart. We'd know the good and the bad qualities of someone before that someone actually becomes a part of your life.
Yes, people leave from your life at some point. Many of 'em did, at least for me. And they probably have a good reason for leaving us sometimes as much as we had wanted to let them go or not in the first place. You could probably compare them with expired goods - It was nice having you back then.. but I'm afraid if you come back into my life, there's a small possibility that we might not be like how we used to be back then.
But you should know that for every time people leave from your life, new friendships that are dying to be made, awaits you. Don't keep fretting over the lost friendships. Treasure the memories that you had, but don't live in those past memories.
What warning labels would you have wanted to see in someone before you actually befriend him/her?
Labels: 30 Days Of Truth
Friday, February 18, 2011
"Eh bapok dah datang."
I said nothing.
Instead, I just laughed along with them and did my own thing.
They imitated the way I talked, the way I walked, the way I laughed, mainly my behaviour. I hated it so much. But I couldn't do anything or rather, I was too scared to do anything to defend myself. At the end of the day, it was them against me.
I guess they thought it was cool to call me that. Or maybe it was the right thing to do since everyone else called me names as well.
"Bapok" and "Sissy" were just one of the few degrading insults they had for me.
And I actually put up with it.
To be fair, I've had many pleasant as well as unpleasant memories back in primary school. I try not to think about them 'cos it's scary.. the thought of it. Evil memories.
I couldn't tell my parents. I mean, they couldn't do much. Okay, I was lying. Mainly because I overheard my dad talking about what a 'kedi' (also meaning 'sissy') I am. And I couldn't tell my teacher just because he/she can't be bothered and I'd imagine him/her telling me to stand up for myself. I only had myself.
It was quite a traumatising experience indeed, for me. Everywhere I went, people talked. I could never feel comfortable about myself.
Even when we had this buddy pairing system back when I was in primary one (we'd have buddies from primary 5 specially assigned to us for lunch and everything), my own buddy deserted me 'cos of what this other girl said about me.
And the girl happened to be my religious teacher's daughter. "You got partnered with Amirul? He's a bapok, you know?" she said to my older buddy and started laughing away. It was embarrassing.
The only friend that I was close to.. he got transferred to another school and I haven't heard from him ever since. I remember he'd bring food from home and share with me after looking at my pathetic lunch consisting of 2 nuggets, plain rice and soya sauce. He was the only one who didn't bother about what others said about me. I guess you could call him as my first true friend. And when he told me that he's leaving to another school, I cried for days. The only person that made me feel comfortable about myself.. left me to fight this losing battle all on my own.
Matters worsened as I moved on to the higher ranks of primary education. People talked about me and spread hate. I could clearly remember how this one idiot would tell everyone, "Don't talk to him, he's a sissy."
Worst of all, he sat in front of me during exams and his mouth would never stop talking bad about me. It was horrible.
I didn't want to go to school at all. I'd go to bed thinking about what would happen to me the next day. I never felt safe. Sometimes, I'd pretend to be sick or come up with an excuse to skip school just for the day.
The worst happened as I was in the toilet, relieving myself and he was there shouting,
"Stop looking at my dick, you sissy!"
when he was clearly adjusting his hair and looking at an opposite direction away from mine.
Everyone laughed at me. I was so humiliated. Wherever I went, I'd have eyes all over me, judging me from top to bottom. They'd whisper to each other, I know it's about me. But I ignored them as much as I could but there's only so much that I could ignore.
Once school ended that day, tears started forming in my eyes and I ran all the way home from school without stopping. I didn't know what to do. I was scared. I didn't know what he'd do the next day to me. It was scary.. like as if I was the leading actor starring in a horror film.
History sorta repeated itself when I was in secondary school and polytechnic. But by then, I managed to handle them so much more professionally. Humiliate me, sure calling me gay, bapok or sissy is funny, but I'll definitely insult and humiliate you until you shed tears from your eyes.
Revenge is definitely sweet. I've splashed a whole bottle of ice lemon tea to a girl's face, hair, t-shirt just because she couldn't stop slapping my face and calling me bapok whenever she saw me. I know the ants enjoyed it. She pushed me against the wall and we went in a small fight involving some hair pulling and more face slapping.
And even during PE lessons (my favourite lesson, actually) I'd purposely throw basketballs one after another to people's faces (those who talked shit about me) and making it seem like it's an accident. In your face, bitches.. and I mean literally.
If only they knew what I went through: A whole decade of getting bullied by other people. I've had enough of it actually. If they can't accept me for who I am, then I wished they'd just keep their mouth shut and their opinions to themselves.
I'm glad that phase of my life is over now. I've had enough. It took a lot of guts and courage for me to actually write this down. Thinking about it just makes my heart palpitate with terror. It was frightening and I never want to go through what I went through all over again.
I know there are boys or even girls out there who get bullied probably for the same reasons as I got bullied. And those are the people I'd definitely want to help, if ever given the chance one day.
Was there anyone who made your life hell?
Labels: 30 Days Of Truth
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Monday, February 14, 2011
"You need to be a little bit more aggressive, you know?"
"I can't.. I just can't. It's just not me."
"Then you're letting them step all over your head. You need to show them who's boss."
"And how exactly do you want me to achieve that?"
"Punch them."
"No way!"
"Oh come on. Don't tell me you're afraid of them."
"I'm not afraid of them."
"Then prove it."
"I won't."
"Stop being such a weakling."
"Well, sorry to disappoint you."
I can never resort to violence no matter what. It's just not me, no matter how hard I try.
And I hope I never have to.. at all.
Labels: 30 Days Of Truth
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Dear Victoria Beckham,
I hope to meet you someday.
I hope to sit down and have a cup of coffee... or share a slice of lemon with you.
I hope I can hug you and tell you just how amazing and beautiful you really are.I hope to tell you that you have always and will forever be my favourite member of the Spice Girls.
I hope I can tell you that you have inspired me so much.
I hope to tell you someday that sometimes I wished I was a footballer so you'd fall in love with me.
I hope to tell you that when I saw on the news that you were gonna be Mrs. Beckham, I got quite depressed.
I hope that one fine day, you'll find out what I've been hoping for all these while.
And I hope I can find a wife who's just like you. That'd be perfect, for me.
With Love,
King Rool
(Your biggest fan in Singapore.)
Labels: 30 Days Of Truth, Victoria Beckham
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Poly Lecturer: I like looking at Rool and J. They're always smiling and laughing.
Classmate: They're just like that. They laugh at almost everything.
Trying my hardest to remain calm, I looked over to J and she said,
J: Because we're both laughing monsters.
And that's when we burst out into fits of unstoppable laughter.
J was one of the first few friends I made during my first year in my polytechnic education. It's funny thinking 'bout how I met her for the first time. We happened to be in the same lift along with another classmate of mine. And there was this awkward silence until one of us said, "Okay, are the three of us in the same class?" and as silly as the question was, it was quite funny.
We moved on from being just acquaintance to close friends after that. We'd team up for projects all the time either because everyone else didn't want to group up with us or we just enjoyed each other's company.
Hanging out in school with her every single day was actually quite fun. She was more than just a laughing buddy to me.
She was my shopping buddy.
We'd go out with each other almost every weekend without even making any plans at the start of the week. Meeting up with her can be as random as telling her on MSN, "Sure, meet you in 30 minutes!"
She was my bitching buddy.
A bitching buddy is essential in every part of your life. The topics to talk about with her are never-ending and we'd talk about a lot of people.. sometimes even continuing our bitching sessions after school either over a phone call or on MSN.
She was my train and bus buddy.
Trust me on this. When a friend offers to take the public transport with you despite the hassle (due to it being completely out of the way), don't let that person go cos he/she's a very good friend.
We even went to the extent of celebrating her birthday together at ECP, which was nice even though it was only just for a while. We'd meet each other before class starts without fail and even took the same IS classes.
She supported me as a friend when I needed someone to back me up, especially during one of my projects, hurling all sorts of profanities and major eye-ball rolling to the person whom had wanted to take a ride on my A-grade project. Little did I know at that point of time, she and that certain someone gotten close in the next 2 years.
Then one day, something happened. She just silenced herself. I tried talking to her, convincing her to come to school. and she eventually told me what's been bothering her all these while. We got even closer after that.
And then we had a fight.
I honestly couldn't remember what it was about. It must've probably about a petty issue, or was it not?
All I remember was that whatever she did to me.. it hurt a lot and made me very very disappointed in her. And you know how it is when I'm pissed or disappointed in a friend.
I just ignored her from then on. But when I ignore, its not that I don't care. In fact, I do care. I had just wanted to see if she would even make any effort to salvage our friendship. But she didn't. I remember my birthday came and though she was seated at about 8 seats away from me, she sent me her birthday wishes through SMS.
Maybe I shouldn't have acted the way I acted. She needed me at that point of time but I was just cold towards her. Hurt me once and that's goodbye.
In year 3, I had wanted to just talk things out with her. I fact, I needed her support for some of my designs. But she didn't give me her support any longer. She had her new friends. And that's when I realised.. I guess our friendship had already ended, there and then.
And silly me was still standing up for her whenever people talked behind her back even if she wasn't a friend to me anymore.
But the fact that I don't remember what J did to hurt me.. pretty much shows that I've forgiven her. Sure, I regret at some point about what happened with our friendship. But J, she was the bestest friend I could have never asked for.. even if it had only lasted for a year. I'm glad she was a part of my life.
"I can forgive but I can't forget" may be an over-used word of expression.. but we'll eventually forget about the issue. "Just give it time".
Is there anything that you'd like to forgive someone?
Labels: 30 Days Of Truth
