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The guy with the FUNKY fashion taste and also with a FLAIR for graphic designing. I'm Amirul Nasir, or you can call me Rool, for short. 21 years standing in the feet of the Earth. Singaporean. Currently serving the nation till 02/06/12. I'm a Ngee Ann Polytechnic Mass Communication (Class of 2010) graduate. Creative Director, someday? More about me?

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    Love the blog layout? Want something like that? Or even better? Yes, I do design for blogs too at an affordable rate! For more details, feel free to drop a message to my email, amirul.nasir [at] gmail [dot] com!

    Apart from blogs, I do design for events, editorial designs, interactive designs. I am a designer afterall.. right? Or even photo editing! Let me know what you need and I'll try my best to get it done for you.

    Friday, February 18, 2011
    The current mood of popnutoz at www.imood.com

    "Eh bapok dah datang." 

    (English Translation: Eh, the sissy is here.) was what they said whenever I came into the classroom or tried to sit beside them during our lunch break.

    I said nothing.

    Instead, I just laughed along with them and did my own thing.

    They imitated the way I talked, the way I walked, the way I laughed, mainly my behaviour. I hated it so much. But I couldn't do anything or rather, I was too scared to do anything to defend myself. At the end of the day, it was them against me.

    I guess they thought it was cool to call me that. Or maybe it was the right thing to do since everyone else called me names as well.

    "Bapok" and "Sissy" were just one of the few degrading insults they had for me.

    And I actually put up with it.

    To be fair, I've had many pleasant as well as unpleasant memories back in primary school. I try not to think about them 'cos it's scary.. the thought of it. Evil memories.

    I couldn't tell my parents. I mean, they couldn't do much. Okay, I was lying. Mainly because I overheard my dad talking about what a 'kedi' (also meaning 'sissy') I am. And I couldn't tell my teacher just because he/she can't be bothered and I'd imagine him/her telling me to stand up for myself. I only had myself.

    It was quite a traumatising experience indeed, for me. Everywhere I went, people talked. I could never feel comfortable about myself.

    Even when we had this buddy pairing system back when I was in primary one (we'd have buddies from primary 5 specially assigned to us for lunch and everything), my own buddy deserted me 'cos of what this other girl said about me.

    And the girl happened to be my religious teacher's daughter. "You got partnered with Amirul? He's a bapok, you know?" she said to my older buddy and started laughing away. It was embarrassing.

    The only friend that I was close to.. he got transferred to another school and I haven't heard from him ever since. I remember he'd bring food from home and share with me after looking at my pathetic lunch consisting of 2 nuggets, plain rice and soya sauce. He was the only one who didn't bother about what others said about me. I guess you could call him as my first true friend. And when he told me that he's leaving to another school, I cried for days. The only person that made me feel comfortable about myself.. left me to fight this losing battle all on my own.

    Matters worsened as I moved on to the higher ranks of primary education. People talked about me and spread hate. I could clearly remember how this one idiot would tell everyone, "Don't talk to him, he's a sissy."

    Worst of all, he sat in front of me during exams and his mouth would never stop talking bad about me. It was horrible.

    I didn't want to go to school at all. I'd go to bed thinking about what would happen to me the next day. I never felt safe. Sometimes, I'd pretend to be sick or come up with an excuse to skip school just for the day.

    The worst happened as I was in the toilet, relieving myself and he was there shouting, 

    "Stop looking at my dick, you sissy!" 

    when he was clearly adjusting his hair and looking at an opposite direction away from mine.

    Everyone laughed at me. I was so humiliated. Wherever I went, I'd have eyes all over me, judging me from top to bottom. They'd whisper to each other, I know it's about me. But I ignored them as much as I could but there's only so much that I could ignore.

    Once school ended that day, tears started forming in my eyes and I ran all the way home from school without stopping. I didn't know what to do. I was scared. I didn't know what he'd do the next day to me. It was scary.. like as if I was the leading actor starring in a horror film.

    History sorta repeated itself when I was in secondary school and polytechnic. But by then, I managed to handle them so much more professionally. Humiliate me, sure calling me gay, bapok or sissy is funny, but I'll definitely insult and humiliate you until you shed tears from your eyes.

    Revenge is definitely sweet. I've splashed a whole bottle of ice lemon tea to a girl's face, hair, t-shirt just because she couldn't stop slapping my face and calling me bapok whenever she saw me. I know the ants enjoyed it. She pushed me against the wall and we went in a small fight involving some hair pulling and more face slapping.

    And even during PE lessons (my favourite lesson, actually) I'd purposely throw basketballs one after another to people's faces (those who talked shit about me) and making it seem like it's an accident. In your face, bitches.. and I mean literally.

    If only they knew what I went through: A whole decade of getting bullied by other people. I've had enough of it actually. If they can't accept me for who I am, then I wished they'd just keep their mouth shut and their opinions to themselves.

    I'm glad that phase of my life is over now. I've had enough. It took a lot of guts and courage for me to actually write this down. Thinking about it just makes my heart palpitate with terror. It was frightening and I never want to go through what I went through all over again.

    I know there are boys or even girls out there who get bullied probably for the same reasons as I got bullied. And those are the people I'd definitely want to help, if ever given the chance one day.

    Was there anyone who made your life hell?



    Anonymous queenkiryne said...

    I GOT CALLED A CONTAGIOUS SMURF. but now i'm laughing, bitches.

    8:24 PM  
    Blogger King Rool said...

    WHAT IS A CONTAGIOUS SMURF? What nonsense la all these people. Well.. we will always have the last laugh eh. we're the all-time bitches. don't mess with us!

    8:48 PM  
    Anonymous queenkiryne said...

    coz I had my skin issue and everything and they were just being dumb bitches. but then again I met the one who came up with it at 2 events and she was serving me drinks both times.

    9:01 PM  
    Blogger King Rool said...

    ahaha! well... guess things didn't turn out so well for her eh? so mean la all these people.

    9:16 PM  
    Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Omggg i can't imagined the horror u went through. Yet u r still strong.. I applaud u for the courage and i wished i was there for u when you had to go through all that. NOBODY should go through all that. and u cud actually blogged it it out takes courage. Those people are f*cking pathetic
    Morons!! Just because they put u down doesnt elevate their status in life! F*ck those morons!! hope they died being blended by huge blenders, final destination style haha.. Anw, *big hug*!!

    Aynie 

    12:52 PM  
    Anonymous Anonymous said...

    eh tell the army boys.. last warning eh call you bapok one more time, I fly to Brunei right now and show them sape Minah pls. -mena

    8:45 AM  
    Blogger King Rool said...

    @aini: You do remember you were one of them right? Haha!! Back in year one, you called me that! But on account of us being super close friends, i forgive you. Hehehe. But what goes around comes around la. they'll get what they deserve in time to come. ;)

    @mena: HAHAH. in brunei no one la so far. back in tekong ah, banyak. but your comment is hilarious. haha!

    5:21 PM  
    Blogger amira said...

    woah. how come you never tell me this before? i could have stand up for you like how you would have stand up for me whenever someone said smth bad to me!

    nevertheless, these ppl are just too bored. they didnt knw their words csn hurt others. they are just a bunch of brainless morons out thr.

    whenever you think of such events or person, just think..you are so much much much better than them in any aspects of life!

    *hugs hugs*

    10:54 AM  
    Blogger King Rool said...

    @amira: I think you sorta knew about it. I mean, some of em were even your friends in secondary school what? Haha. But whatever la, I'm just glad it's over.

    5:16 PM  
    Blogger it's just me and you. said...

    hey amirul, wow im in the same primary school and u and possibly also was clasmates with u once and i didnt know this.. i guess i was also too busy caught up being bullied myself - for being fat?

    yes, I totally und what u went thru, and yes i have been spitted on before by an ah lian for no particular reason in sec school, but shame on me for not have done anything back then...

    if i were to go back time, id proly throw ice tea back too. :)

    you keep being urself man. dont let others pull u down. boy ive learn that the hard way. :D


    11:06 PM  
    Blogger King Rool said...

    I guess that makes two of us for not having a great experience in primary sch! We were classmates in p4 if I'm not wrong! You and your other girls were quite sweet to me la. And I was with the four other Malay boys. But I'm glad you managed to remain strong despite that. They just need to bring other people down just to make themselves feel better cos their life is sad like that. Hope you're doing well! And nobody deserves to be treated like how we were treated. ;)

    10:22 AM  
    Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Wow I had no idea you had it so bad back then ): children can be so cruel. I'm glad you managed to stay strong and have risen up above them. Good job boifran, and I lol'ed at the part where you got revenge on them. BRAVO

    2:20 PM  
    Blogger King Rool said...

    hey gurlfran! heehee. yeap i am strong. ;) and revenge is totally sweet.

    5:17 PM  

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