"You look different today. There's just something different about you that I haven't noticed for a long while."
"Is it my hair? Or is it my pimples? What is it?"
"Your tummy, of course. How long have you been pregnant for?!"
"Bitch."

All my life, I've been living with a demon inside of me, my tummy to be exact. Because of it, I've became the victim of bullying since my primary education. It sucks. I felt humiliated, insulted at times and started becoming image conscious.

I hate my tummy. I hate how obvious it is whenever I wear light-tone colours. I hate how I keep thinking that people stare at it when I'm having a conversation with them. I hate how it ruins how my overall look. I hate how it makes me look even fatter in photos. I hate how it bounces in motion whenever I go for physical education lesson. I hate how it is the main reason why I have to join the TAF (Fat in reverse, if you ever noticed.) Club in school. I hate it.

Because of my tummy, I've never felt confident and am always insecure with how I look. It has always been one of the main reasons that's been holding me back whenever I go out or approach new people. Every single time my friends ask me out to the beach, I think of one million reasons in order for me to excuse myself from making an embarrassment of myself by showing off my tummy in public. I can't live like this. It's terrible.

People tell me I need to love myself in order to love others. But how am I supposed to love myself when I just hate my tummy?!

I knew I needed to do something about it. So I did. I've tried ways and means to flatten my tummy. Go on a diet? Done that, didn't work. Starve myself? Did that also. It made it worse cos I became even hungrier and ate even more. Exercise and Gym? I did go to the gym, not religiously, but it worked for a while until I stopped, and there it was saying hello to me in the mirror once again. Whenever I get frustrated with it, I'd lock the door and start squeezing my tummy and pushing it in, hoping that it'll disappear once I let go of it. Of course, even a toddler knows that will never work, right?

Then I got enlisted into National Service. A blessing in disguise, it was. I started exercising regularly. And all of a sudden, I stopped thinking about my tummy just because I was too tired to think about it. And once the weekdays are over, and I go back home, I noticed a huge difference to my body. I became much slimmer! I was over the moon! From XL to M size. From an outstanding waist size of 36 to just 31. It's incredible.. the drastic change.


But my tummy is still here despite all that. I still hate it. And instead of continue hating it over the next few years, I've decided to just continue exercising, just so that one day when I finally look in the mirror and while being blinded by my new found muscles and good looks, I'd have become oblivious to my tummy.

Labels: 30 Days Of Truth

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